Numbers 22: 21-35
July 7, 2012
I missed it. Again. I saw, then I became blind. I hate that! It's so embarrassing to look back and see what I've done, knowing I wasn't paying attention, I wasn't awake, I wasn't doing what I knew I should do or even thought what I did was right, but I was wrong.
There were some indications, but made that other temptation into what I wanted. I saw what I wanted to see, put blinders on what I didn't want to see -- and now it's a big huge mess and I have to fix it.
I have to humble myself. Recognize that my hunger led me astray, led me to where I thought I could have it all but now I have this. Ugh. I hate having to be the fool again, back down the totem pole -- and I really didn't like the bottom of the totem pole.
My teacher, Natalie Goldberg, talks about "beginner's mind" -- the energy of letting go of the trappings of our egos, our position, our status, and entering into the now, the this-ness of now, without fear.
And it might mean taking a hit, and I personally hate it when I take a hit! But it shows us who we are, mistakes and all, when we course correct. When we move ourselves back into alignment with the flow of all that is, was, and will be, unfolding around us.
Then we, as a people, are blessed.